Sunday, December 30, 2007

Noche Penultima

After this night’s game, I decided to join up with some college friends in Gateway, turns out that only five of us came. The reasons why I decided urgently to go was first, I haven’t seen an old college best friend of mine since February, since he is based in Mindanao, secondly, I wanted to see old faces before the calendar changes, and lastly, my freshmen college love interest is present, and I want to see that sweet face once more… without the butterflies in the stomach feeling of course.

I looked tired and haggard, well, perhaps due the fact that I was tired and dehydrated, a nocturnal creature, maybe I wasn’t much in the mood, and perhaps I wasn’t in my element. Also, I was putting them off in the past years because of certain complicated issues, especially since it involved relationships and former relationships within the circle of college people who went to law school.

More pressingly, I’ve always known that plenty has changed, and whatever I would probably share with them would be of no interest. In short, I could no longer relate very much with this social circle of mine, perhaps because we rarely ever so meet, and perhaps also because I already live in a world far different from theirs. I only keep constant contact with those within the legal circle, closest friends and those whom I have permanent communications with. I feel as if I was left behind in many respects. Law school perhaps is a secular monastery, the seclusion of the chaos which I learned to love and find peace within is so much that the world around me seemed to revolve faster. Perhaps it is true… we grow old faster than the rest. I do feel older than the world.

I had plenty of opportunity lately to travel in the nearby provinces with some family and family friends, but I declined. I feel that it is not the time for me to see the idyllic world, or perhaps, my fear of the unknown future has taken me aback so much that my adventurism has faded. Or perhaps because right now I am looking for my personal stability, re: passing the bar, having a good practice, stable relationship vis-à-vis independence.

At one point we felt the power surging in us as law students and barristers, but now, we are like blind folded people in a dark labyrinth, or may be the people of Israel lost in the desert.

Justice Javier once said to us that we have to accept our new lives from the time we chose this calling. And so I have. This is me now. This is me.

During the Christmas Eve mass, the prayers of the faithful mentioned the doctors and nurses on duty during Christmas eve, immediately, I thought of my brother, who a few years from now would no longer be at home, and would be out there, trying to save lives. That is his calling. This is mine.

2007 is full of events which are emotionally charged, awe inspiring and heart-wrenching at the same time. You only remember those parts, but you cannot recall the rest. It is true, as they say that during your Bar, one year of your life just passes you by. I never felt 2007. I only felt the anguish and seen the pallor of people’s weary faces. We have sacrificed so much, and so much tears, sweat and blood have been shed in 2007. Was it worth it?

It should. This is our Zahir. The Zahir is of Arabic origin, which means a person or a thing which becomes an obsession, which would either lead to a state of holiness or of madness. I see no difference in either. Holiness or madness is one and the same. I still do believe that God never gives us challenges which we cannot conquer. Throughout the years, I have been through these challenges which will test one’s faith, sense of duty and honor.

Most of the time right now, I am in deep thought, I do not speak unless what I will say is worth saying. I rarely find pleasure in material things. I used to love being around people, but now I prefer the solitude. I prefer heart-felt conversations about life, love and dreams.

I am humble enough to admit that I am very afraid… not just of the Bar, but all of incidents and accidents of life. I want more out of it, and I am not stopping, just a little faith and courage. That decisive moment will come to pass, and perhaps, I will recapture that elusive peace of mind.

Peace of mind… ahhh… how I long for your sweet embrace.

May 2008 be our defining moment. We must shine and take flight to the stars, and among the stars shall we remain.

Nam omnia praeclara tam difficilia quam rara sunt.

For all that is great, is as difficult as is it rare.

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Wednesday, December 26, 2007

when will the eating stop?

happy holidays! let's give thanks for the blessings, big or small, that came our way for the past year... and pray for better days ahead.

Merry Christmas.

Thursday, December 20, 2007

meet up with Carol at the Galeria today for lunch and coffee, talked about life, our lives in general, law school life and career moves.

She also gave me chocolates from the US, a Kenneth Cole Wallet (haven't bought any Kenneth Cole stuff in years, and the leather is just oh so fine.) and most importantly, she gave me a Rosary from Rome, with a medallion of Benedict XVII, and images of the four Major Basilicas, namely: St. Peter's, St. John Lateran, St. Paul outside the Walls, and Our Lady of Snows, or St. Mary Major.

Sunday, December 16, 2007

The december weekend that was...

Had a fun weekend which started in Greenbelt Makati last friday. Cyma restaurant is highly recommended despite the four-star price, I'd give it a 5 out of 5. For the first time I read a menu which all sounds Greek to me, both literally and figuratively. But the food was oh so good, a true taste of fusion Mediterreanean cuisine. The baby back ribs (costs about 900 Php) is highly recommended. Service is good.

Our drinking session was held at the National Sports Grill, a watering hole we used to frequent way-way back when it was previously located at Greenbelt one. The smoking section outside is quite the spot to be to people watch, and I went ga-ga over the passing women and young ladies.

The traffic in SLEX was horrendous eventhough it was already past midnight. Had a few more bottles before settling down for the night at the farm. The next day, we went to Pavillion Mall's Pure Gold to shop for drinks and pulutan, which includes my all time favorite nacho recipe. Alcoholic drinks bought were Absolut Vodka, Jose Cuervo gold and Tanduay Rhum. Liquers included were grenadine, blue curacao and a number of fruit juices. Of course, never would be excluded therefrom.

Amidst the strong december winds passing through the lake, we concocted ice cold cocktails, some of which were Green Mai tai, Lemon Drops (a new personal fave of mine), tequila sunrise, Shark Bite and of course, the all time favorite frozen blue margarita.

Pulutan was rich... in cholesterol. The MSG coated peanuts, JL's invention of a chili-spring roll with bread crumbs deep-fried, my NSG rivalring Nachos, and... fried adobo wild game freshly shot. Yeah, you heard it right, Ka Willy went out on a 30 minute hunting trip with his semi-automatic hunting rifle and shot a few wild birds in the lake area. And this cuisine is not for the paranoid about avian flu. It was quite delicious and crispy, and really gamey... has a stronger taste and more stringy than your regular market birds. Oh, before I forget, lunch consisted of lechong 'talunan' (meaning, expensive Texas fighting cocks which died during a previous cockfight) and boy, the meat is indeed tough.

Then this morning, a semi-formal day reception was held at the grounds near the Trellis and the lake. White tents were set-up, a buffet table and round tables with baby blue trimmings. This garden reception could have been an Ascott or Hampton event had we been in Western Country side wearing the pompous attire of the traditional and noveau riche. The place looked marvelous. It was Baby Nathan's christening and house blessings of the newly renovated houses within the farm.

So, after spending the day eating, chatting and resting for a while, time to go back to Manila sweet Manila. I love that feeling of being rejuvenated after spending a long break in a place which has been a sanctuary for most of us for a number of years. The company of good friends and new friends, close to nature. It all seems so perfect, despite my personal knowledge of the troubles which lies in this place. A gathering always brings the best in people, share dreams and problems, and you can be at your worst, and laugh about it.

This is the break I've wanted for quite a while. And now, I feel energized once more. Time to celebrate once more in the spirit of Christmas with more friends from the various parts of my life, the people from high school, college and law school, family and personal friends.

I love this season, and despite personal and family circumstances which could make you think of the oddities of life, its a time to be thankful for the gift of life itself and love in all of facets.

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Tuesday, December 11, 2007

On Social Justice...

Social justice is "neither communism, nor despotism, nor atomism, nor anarchy," but the Humanization of laws and the equalization of social and economic forces by the State so that justice in its rational and objectively secular conception may at least be approximated. Social justice means the promotion of the welfare of all the people, the adoption by the Government of measures calculated to insure economic stability of all the competent elements of society, through the maintenance of a proper economic and social equilibrium in the interrelations of the members of the community, constitutionally, through the adoption of measures legally justifiable, or extra-constitutionally, through the exercise of powers underlying the existence of all governments on the time-honored principle of salus populi est suprema lex.

- Justice Jose P. Laurel

On Liberty...

"Liberty lies in the hearts of men and women; when it dies there, no constitution, no law, no court can even do much to help it. While it lies there it needs no constitution, no law, no court to save it."


- Learned Hand

pun moment

i was texting kaduwa areiz a while ago and i mentioned i have an interview with a lawfirm in QC. He informed me that the Office of the President for Peace Process is hiring 65 law people for the Peace process in Basilan. 23K starting. What a wonderful thought that would be... become a contingent hero in the process thereof.
I may not agree with what you say, but I shall defend with my life your right to say it.

- Lord Voltaire

Saturday, December 08, 2007

oh well...

LC is back from her one month two-continent break. and its nice to hear the phone ringing and my inbox full of sms coming from her.

One of my law school friends, Kay called me up last wednesday after my 'interview' with Atty. Lauriano. I've submitted my resume with the law firm she's working in right now, apparently, they're still looking for another paralegal.

Really, if i get a job which would eventually lead to a partnership or associate position in a law firm, or if i choose to do government/corporate/private lawyering, then I could do that other thing which i would love to do... teach.

I guess that would be my preferred practice.

But for now, heed everybody's advice... rest and enjoy the well deserved break from law school.

So, now, I hafta plan or co-conspire for some colleague's christmas get-together and share those good old memories and anguishes of the better days.

But for next weekend... extreme relaxation time perhaps.

Wednesday, December 05, 2007

met up with my conditionally future employer again. okay, the catch is, i know all the technicalities of labor laws. i cannot disagree. but the dislocation factor and the work load and the salary itself would just result in a break-even for me. she's nice, and i know i will learn a lot. but i can't have a six day work week, much less 10am to 7pm... what i foresaw was far more laborious than a typical day at a law firm. anyhow, she understands the barrister's predicament of being totally uncertain about their lifes.

so, i have another time frame to renegotiate and to decide.

btw, the dislocation factor is really, really apparent. it is not your typical makati CBD. it's makati of the people, not of the Ayalas.

life sucks especially if you are given such choices. i am from the far north... and the workplace is in the farthest unreachable south end.

choices. choices.

Sunday, December 02, 2007

change is painful and never ending... but somethings must, and will remain permanent.

Focus is what we need.

I have been contemplating long and hard about the offer I received from Madame Attorney. I will learn plenty. I will get plenty if I work hard. I will get a good position short of a partner if I pass the bar. It all excited me. The catch is, I have to work in Makati, not your usual Makati for the bourgeoisies, but the common folk Makati, where money is made by a truly ingenious entrepreneur who happens to be a lawyer.

I ran out of focus, I should say, I got excited, the prospect of a future salary and other emoluments encumbered me. The prospect of independence and being alone for once, fending off for myself… paying for my rent, cooking my own meals (which I rather usually do at home), for laundry services, for the good yuppy bachelor life.

However, it came to a stand still, when amidst the excitement of being independent I was subtlety interjecting ideas during impromptu discussions with Mater and Magna Mater of my intentions of independence… getting a room of my own, or a condo unit or whatever, and slightly political as I am, a compromise of having my med student brother live with me in the condo or apartment.

Mater was a bit supportive, however, she had the look on her face of sadness, or hesitation perhaps. Magna Mater on the other hand, was straight forward in her gentile way… she spoke of how nobody would be in the house if I pursue my plan, and perhaps, how silent, sad, quiet and nostalgic the house would be. Somehow, during this night, it reminded me of a previous discussion with Larry.

This was Magna Mater’s simple argument: My brother is already out there, in a condo-sharing agreement ever since, wala na kami kasama kapag umalis ka pa.

I had to face the reality that you have to give up some intermediate dreams for the greater good. And this entry somehow has moved me to tears. And right now, my emotions are stirred.

I have a family, a relatively large one. Grandpa and grandma had 3 children. My dad was the youngest, and my two aunties preceded him. Both are married. In toto, I have six full-blooded cousins in the United States of America. I have one fifth civil degree nephew, who is very much of the Italian race by now, although I haven’t seen him personally, I love him so much. My eldest auntie is married to my Italian-Venezuelan uncle. She’s a nurse. Successful in her retirement age; I have four cousins with her, two of whom I’ve personally met.

My second auntie is divorced. I have two male cousins. One of whom is dying with a disease which up to now I could not understand. He lives… and I hope he lives longer.

Comes now the point when I have to recall those “before sleep time” discussions with Magna Mater. In her time, she had no male child, and she knew that someday her children will have to leave her because they will marry. And so she had to pray long and hard to the Nazarene at the Aglipay church for a son who will take care of her…

And so she was gifted with one. And this one bore me and my brother.

Sad to say, somehow, I wish my dad and mom procreated some more, at least one or two more… a little girl or a distantly youngest boy couldn’t hurt. For my part, I could have pampered and defended with my life my ideally youngest sibling, whether boy or girl. Alas, two years worth of birth spacing eventually lead to a natural sibling rivalry of males which anyone could expect. Okay, we were given the genetic disposition of the somehow sort of genius and the strong will of killing each other at one point or another. However, that doesn’t detract from the fact that we share something in common… a lineage and a heritage.

However again, one cannot detract from what he is destined to be. In other words, you can’t choose your family history and destiny.

And so… here I am… wondering of what I can become, have I had the will power to detach myself from the past… or of who I really am. Perhaps I am thinking of “what can I do if I was somebody else?”

I had to face it… my mom would be lonely somehow. My grandmother would be devastated. My grandfather, at times, senile as he may be, would miss the hell out me, his only grandson who took the risk and went dirty when things got rough… My dad is rather in a state of limbo with his government career. My brother, present, but seems not to bother. All that is left is me… or so I think.

And so here’s the scenario… Grandma is not willing to let me go. One grandson already out there in a condo is enough for her. She is not willing to let another one go. What more if everybody is in the US and never came back? A big casa Hispaniola-Filipina inconvenienced by the perpetual flood… a relatively good real estates… I had to face it… it could be lonely sometimes… for as long as I could remember, this estate used to have a lot of blood relatives in hand… agnatic or cognatic.

But hey, who says it’s a liability? We have the resources no matter how limited they may seem. I may not need to be in a state where I should dislocate myself temporarily anyways. For crying out loud, I am Rommel… the one and only. The favored among all.

So, I guess I don’t really have to put up with what I planned to… be FISCALLY independent, that seems… perhaps I don’t have to show too much eagerness or humility… what is ultimately important is for us to stay together… support each other.

Being liquid is quite different from having assets.

So, time to switch to plan B… work what you have for your advantage. Amen.

Dream big… each one of us is created for a reason or another. Mine was to make my old folks happy… eight grandchildren… but only one destined to be the beloved amongst all
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