Noche Penultima
After this night’s game, I decided to join up with some college friends in Gateway, turns out that only five of us came. The reasons why I decided urgently to go was first, I haven’t seen an old college best friend of mine since February, since he is based in Mindanao, secondly, I wanted to see old faces before the calendar changes, and lastly, my freshmen college love interest is present, and I want to see that sweet face once more… without the butterflies in the stomach feeling of course.
I looked tired and haggard, well, perhaps due the fact that I was tired and dehydrated, a nocturnal creature, maybe I wasn’t much in the mood, and perhaps I wasn’t in my element. Also, I was putting them off in the past years because of certain complicated issues, especially since it involved relationships and former relationships within the circle of college people who went to law school.
More pressingly, I’ve always known that plenty has changed, and whatever I would probably share with them would be of no interest. In short, I could no longer relate very much with this social circle of mine, perhaps because we rarely ever so meet, and perhaps also because I already live in a world far different from theirs. I only keep constant contact with those within the legal circle, closest friends and those whom I have permanent communications with. I feel as if I was left behind in many respects. Law school perhaps is a secular monastery, the seclusion of the chaos which I learned to love and find peace within is so much that the world around me seemed to revolve faster. Perhaps it is true… we grow old faster than the rest. I do feel older than the world.
I had plenty of opportunity lately to travel in the nearby provinces with some family and family friends, but I declined. I feel that it is not the time for me to see the idyllic world, or perhaps, my fear of the unknown future has taken me aback so much that my adventurism has faded. Or perhaps because right now I am looking for my personal stability, re: passing the bar, having a good practice, stable relationship vis-à-vis independence.
At one point we felt the power surging in us as law students and barristers, but now, we are like blind folded people in a dark labyrinth, or may be the people of Israel lost in the desert.
Justice Javier once said to us that we have to accept our new lives from the time we chose this calling. And so I have. This is me now. This is me.
During the Christmas Eve mass, the prayers of the faithful mentioned the doctors and nurses on duty during Christmas eve, immediately, I thought of my brother, who a few years from now would no longer be at home, and would be out there, trying to save lives. That is his calling. This is mine.
2007 is full of events which are emotionally charged, awe inspiring and heart-wrenching at the same time. You only remember those parts, but you cannot recall the rest. It is true, as they say that during your Bar, one year of your life just passes you by. I never felt 2007. I only felt the anguish and seen the pallor of people’s weary faces. We have sacrificed so much, and so much tears, sweat and blood have been shed in 2007. Was it worth it?
It should. This is our Zahir. The Zahir is of Arabic origin, which means a person or a thing which becomes an obsession, which would either lead to a state of holiness or of madness. I see no difference in either. Holiness or madness is one and the same. I still do believe that God never gives us challenges which we cannot conquer. Throughout the years, I have been through these challenges which will test one’s faith, sense of duty and honor.
Most of the time right now, I am in deep thought, I do not speak unless what I will say is worth saying. I rarely find pleasure in material things. I used to love being around people, but now I prefer the solitude. I prefer heart-felt conversations about life, love and dreams.
I am humble enough to admit that I am very afraid… not just of the Bar, but all of incidents and accidents of life. I want more out of it, and I am not stopping, just a little faith and courage. That decisive moment will come to pass, and perhaps, I will recapture that elusive peace of mind.
Peace of mind… ahhh… how I long for your sweet embrace.
May 2008 be our defining moment. We must shine and take flight to the stars, and among the stars shall we remain.
Nam omnia praeclara tam difficilia quam rara sunt.
For all that is great, is as difficult as is it rare.
I looked tired and haggard, well, perhaps due the fact that I was tired and dehydrated, a nocturnal creature, maybe I wasn’t much in the mood, and perhaps I wasn’t in my element. Also, I was putting them off in the past years because of certain complicated issues, especially since it involved relationships and former relationships within the circle of college people who went to law school.
More pressingly, I’ve always known that plenty has changed, and whatever I would probably share with them would be of no interest. In short, I could no longer relate very much with this social circle of mine, perhaps because we rarely ever so meet, and perhaps also because I already live in a world far different from theirs. I only keep constant contact with those within the legal circle, closest friends and those whom I have permanent communications with. I feel as if I was left behind in many respects. Law school perhaps is a secular monastery, the seclusion of the chaos which I learned to love and find peace within is so much that the world around me seemed to revolve faster. Perhaps it is true… we grow old faster than the rest. I do feel older than the world.
I had plenty of opportunity lately to travel in the nearby provinces with some family and family friends, but I declined. I feel that it is not the time for me to see the idyllic world, or perhaps, my fear of the unknown future has taken me aback so much that my adventurism has faded. Or perhaps because right now I am looking for my personal stability, re: passing the bar, having a good practice, stable relationship vis-à-vis independence.
At one point we felt the power surging in us as law students and barristers, but now, we are like blind folded people in a dark labyrinth, or may be the people of Israel lost in the desert.
Justice Javier once said to us that we have to accept our new lives from the time we chose this calling. And so I have. This is me now. This is me.
During the Christmas Eve mass, the prayers of the faithful mentioned the doctors and nurses on duty during Christmas eve, immediately, I thought of my brother, who a few years from now would no longer be at home, and would be out there, trying to save lives. That is his calling. This is mine.
2007 is full of events which are emotionally charged, awe inspiring and heart-wrenching at the same time. You only remember those parts, but you cannot recall the rest. It is true, as they say that during your Bar, one year of your life just passes you by. I never felt 2007. I only felt the anguish and seen the pallor of people’s weary faces. We have sacrificed so much, and so much tears, sweat and blood have been shed in 2007. Was it worth it?
It should. This is our Zahir. The Zahir is of Arabic origin, which means a person or a thing which becomes an obsession, which would either lead to a state of holiness or of madness. I see no difference in either. Holiness or madness is one and the same. I still do believe that God never gives us challenges which we cannot conquer. Throughout the years, I have been through these challenges which will test one’s faith, sense of duty and honor.
Most of the time right now, I am in deep thought, I do not speak unless what I will say is worth saying. I rarely find pleasure in material things. I used to love being around people, but now I prefer the solitude. I prefer heart-felt conversations about life, love and dreams.
I am humble enough to admit that I am very afraid… not just of the Bar, but all of incidents and accidents of life. I want more out of it, and I am not stopping, just a little faith and courage. That decisive moment will come to pass, and perhaps, I will recapture that elusive peace of mind.
Peace of mind… ahhh… how I long for your sweet embrace.
May 2008 be our defining moment. We must shine and take flight to the stars, and among the stars shall we remain.
Nam omnia praeclara tam difficilia quam rara sunt.
For all that is great, is as difficult as is it rare.
Labels: Buhay Barrista, Events and Happenings, thoughts and sentiments
posted by ohme at 12:55 PM
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