and the rain keeps pouring in... cold, uncaring...

I miss the laughter of nonsense law school babbling.
I miss the barong.
I miss the penguin suit.
I miss the incessant rants.
I miss sharing dreams.

I am afraid of what the future holds for me.
I am afraid of being left behind.
I am afraid of being intimate again.
I am afraid of being alone.
I am afraid of not being remembered for who I am, and not just for what I did.

I want to be remembered as what I have become over the years.
I want to be remembered as human.
I want to be remembered with all of my flaws and imperfections.
I want to be remembered as a lover of all.
I want to be remembered.

I am steely faced, gentled eyed.
I am dignified, gullible.
I am snobbish and cordial.
I am unknown.
I am beholden.
I am mystery.
I am revealed.

I am all too imperfect, that I am perfect...

I find the joy in simple things... but certain things no longer excite me.
I belong, but I do not belong to everybody.
I am a stationary nomad.
I need adrenaline and solitude.

I am bittersweet. Bastard of Melancholia.
I want rapture and rage and desire and ecstacy.
I want solemnity.
I want turmoil and peace.

So, what gives?

The rain is simply pouring in... cold, ice cold. It is such a sensual delight that my soul has reached out to feel its random pulse.